Thursday, May 20

I am where I am supposed to be

Limitations live only in our minds.
But if we use our imaginations,
our possibilities become limitless.
Jamie Paolinetti

The more I art
(as a verb, invented by Janne)
the more I realize that everything is possible.

Now I just have to figure out what I want.

I've been saying that over and over lately because
artfest kind of turned my world upside down.

i thought i knew what i wanted.

i thought i wanted to make my fortune doing what I love: making art.

But, when I got a little time and space to think about it at artfest...
i don't think that's what i want.

if i had a million dollars...

i would keep my job, part time.
i love my job.
i teach kindergarten 2-3 days a week with the best partner in the world.
i read and sing and paint and encourage and get hugs all day long.
and it's one of the most important jobs in the world.

and i feel about teaching kindergarten,
the way I feel about creating.
I feel like it's where i am supposed to be.
Like i was made for this.

plus it makes me shower
and iron my clothes
and feel like a real person some days.

In my search to find out what I want in my art explorations,
i have to start with what i don't want.
and i don't want what i thought i wanted...

when i consider trying to make a living creating art,
i think i could pursue it
if I put everything I had into it.
but honestly,
i don't want to work that hard.
i don't want to have to make art.
i don't want to have to travel.
i want to get paid for my time.
i don't want art to be another obligation,
but an outlet.

so now, maybe the answer lies in knowing what I don't want.

or maybe it's okay not toknow
just to wander
and linger
and explore.

So, what is it that you want out of this artful life?
Is it what you thought you wanted when you begna this adventure?
What have you learned.

I really want to know...

3 comments:

  1. I just read your post on teaching. I recognize so many of your thoughts, and it is part of what led me to my peace-speech conclusion, peace = creation. Creating something good and beautiful, doesn´t necessarily have to mean make beautiful art. It can just as well mean create a beautiful and good environment for the the people around you. And you are right, teaching is one of the best job in the world. when I am unable to live from my art anymore, I will be happy to go back to teaching. It is so fulfilling. and you learn so much from it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i relate to every bit of what you wrote - i've struggled with this for a long time. would i enjoy making art full time if it were an obligation? i'm not sure...

    ReplyDelete
  3. hey girly,
    i am just checkin' in after a hiatus of reading blogs... your words are always saying what i've just been thinking!
    your booboo is precious in this photo making art.

    ReplyDelete