Sunday Inspiration: Life and Peace

We've been doing a lot of living and a teeny tiny bit of sleeping over here.

I have a really, really tough time finding time during the day to sit down and read my Bible.

But I just figured this out.

I can listen to the Bible on BibleGateway

I can listen while I paint, while I cook,

while clean up 100 million little toys around the house.

And while it doesn't replace sitting down and being still,

it still gives me good input.

It retrains my thoughts.

And as I am learning,

my thoughts determine my life.

My thoughts either make or break my day.

And days equals weeks and months and years and a lifetime.

And if I'm not filling up my thoughts on the truth of what God says about me,

then, by default, I'm filling up on what the world says about me.

And it gets ugly.

So I've been loving Romans 8.

I've read it 100 times but never like this:

1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

STOP! Stop condemning and comparing myself.

There is no  condemnation. That is not of God. That's a lie.

2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life

has set you free from the law of sin and death.

only the Holy Spirit can give me life and set me free.

That's it.

3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,
God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.
And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement
of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh

but according to the Spirit.

Stop! I can't do this on my own. 

I can't will myself to be good enough, or kind enough, or clean enough.

I'm powerless. Stop trying so hard. God has already done it.

I just need to ask the holy spirit for help to come

& do it for me, through me, every single day.

So I can live by the spirit, and not by my flesh.

5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires;

but those who live in accordance with the Spirit

have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but

the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

Life and peace.

That's what I want. That's what I need.

I keep praying for the peace that surpasses all understanding

and trying to get it in my own strength.

But I can't do it. I don't even know "what the spirit desires".

I need his holy spirit in me to give me life and peace

and to set my mind on what it desires.

So, that's where I'm at today.

With help from a really great counselor.

 Happy Sunday bloggy friends.

May you be filled with

life and peace today.

Queen Bee Market Spring 2011, A Little Bit of Luke

Thank you for such supportive comments on my last post.
Honestly, with this bloggy world of friends, I really feel like I'm not alone.
Like we're on our journeys together.
And it's the community that I need.
 I'm so thankful for your sweet selves.

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I applied for this last month...

 and I found out today that I got in!

It is less than 2 months away.

If you are in the San Diego area I hope you'll stop by.

Now my head is spinning with ideas for my booth.

I've been working on a couple of different series for the etsy shop.

And this will help light a fire under me and get paintings finished.

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Today was the best day. ever.

I am 25 weeks today.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning.

Everything is looking good, entering my 3rd trimester.

He is kicking like crazy & I am getting ridiculously big.

But feeling great.

After my appointment I had a little time to myself

 (what is that?)

so I went to one of my favorite spots

Cedros Design District in Solana Beach.

Beauty. Creativity. Inspiration. Everywhere.

I actually sat down and read and sketched and prayed.

(Alisa Burke style sketching. Loving it.)

Luke 5

I read this story.
About Peter and the fish
and they had dropped their nets a bunch of times
& caught nothing.
then Jesus said to drop them again.
and it didn't make any sense to them.
but they did it anyway.
"But because you say so..."
faith & obedience.
that's exactly where I'm at right now.

I can't see it.

I don't understand it.
I don't know what you're doing.
"But because you say so..."
I will do it.

I love that Jesus is always saying,

"Do not be afraid."

In just about every situation.

To pretty much everyone.

Over and over.

Not just me.

I'm in good company.

 I talked about fear in my last post.

Fear of  taking myself seriously as a business owner.

Fear of telling anyone else.

Fear of announcing it.

Fear of stepping out,

trusting that God will show me

where he wants me to go.

That he'll give me everything I need.

And they were astonished
at the catch of fish.

Behold, I am making all things new. Revelation 12:5

If you've read my blog for any time you know that

I've only in the last 3 years found this art gift.

And that's exactly what it is to me:

a pure gift.

grace.

And I know that gifts are meant to be used and given away,

but I'm kinda like a five year old at a birthday party.

I wanna cling to this gift that I brought,

that was meant to be given,

hold it tightly in my hands,

and not let it go.

But I'm learning to surrender. to lay it down. 

I'm learning that the gift does not belong to me.

The gift, in fact, has very little to do with me.  

It is to be used and given.

And the gift to me is that

I get to be a part of it.

a broken vessel.

a jar  of clay.

As I good friend (and by good friend I mean therapist) recently said to me:

Do you hear yourself? And why do you think this belongs to you?

This has very little to do with you.

Like your time. Like your money.

It's not yours. It doesn't belong to you.

You get to use it.

That's the blessing.

I keep reading and rereading different parts of this book.
And it's helping me get perspective.

So now, before I start anything in the studio I pray.

I had to write down my prayers.

They help me remember.

Because I forget.
Here they are:

Lord, please use me. Please use this gift.

Lord, let me be available to you.

I lay it down at your feet.

 Please use it for your glory.

Please lead me where you want me to go.

Please remind me that it belongs to you and you you alone.

And not me. Please use it. Use me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this gift. For this time. For this space.

My dear sweet friend Henri Nouwen,

always, always speaks right to my soul.

I love this prayer:

Dear God,

I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!

Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?

Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?

Please help me to gradually open my hands

and to discover that I am not what I own,

but what you want to give me.

And what you want to give me is love,

unconditional, everlasting love.

Amen.

— Henri J.M. Nouwen

(The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. My heart.

Thank you, Henri.