Wednesday, October 5

Trusting God

I've felt overwhelmed for the past months
and I've blamed it on having a baby and going back to work,
which has all contributed, but, it's more than that.
A while back I wrote this post about feeling like
 I really needed to be home with my boys, being their momma,
and ever since then I've been planning and controlling and scheming
ways to get to stay home with them, to work part time,
 to share a teaching contract, for the next 30 years.
And not have to work full time.

But I've also been  freaking out about it on the inside.
freaking out to the point of paralysis
so full of fear about my tomorrows that I can't even enjoy my todays.
Staying up late night trying to figure out how I can make this work,
after all, I'm a pull-yourself-by-your-bootstraps-and-make-it-happen kind of girl.

and I realized that I've been holding this thing so close to my
heart with clenched fists, afraid to give it to God.
{um, no thanks, I can figure this out on my own.}
and I just realized that my fear is me not trusting God.
Not trusting that He is good.
Not trusting that He is in control.
Not trusting that he is for me,
on my side.

and in my brain, I know the truth.
I know that God is good.
I know that He is in control.
I know that he is for me.
I know that he is on my side.
even if I don't get my way all of time.
all of these things remain true.

but I need to surrender this idol to Him.
to bring it to his feet and trust in my heart what I know in my head to be true.
This book is speaking so much truth into my life. 
It's such an encouragement.
I reminder of the truth of who God is.
...we learn to trust God in the midst of our pain, whatever form it may take.
 It doesn't matter whether our pain is trivial or traumatic, temporary or interminable.
Regardless of the nature of the circumstances,
we must learn to trust God if we would glorify God in them.

And what struck me is that trusting God is a learned behavior.
It's not natural. It's something I can get better at. But not by myself.
Learning things takes practice. Daily practice. over and over again.
And so there's hope as I practice placing my trust in God every single day.

and believeing in my heart what I know in my head to be true:
God is good. God is in control. God is for me.
Absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of Christ.
Not even myself.

 What, then, shall we say in response to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—
how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Romans 8:31-32

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
 neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39

Today:
We returned home from our beach vacation & collapsed.
Now we're doing all of the coming home work of unpacking &
 laundry & settling back in to life.

I love going away, but even more than that, I love coming home.
Photobucket

6 comments:

  1. we're all a work in progress sweetie....i know this all too well! ;) i totally agree...we have to keep practicing trust....until it becomes the natural thing, instead of unnatural. and i'm right there with ya girl! :) we can't do it all ourselves....and we weren't meant to. lean into the Father...He has already gone ahead of us to prepare the way. we just have to do more trusting and less striving...depending on His wisdom+strength instead of our own.

    <3
    paulette

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  2. Sending prayers yur way, Erin. I feel like you...working 55 hours a week, my husband injured, my house under construction...ack! I am grateful for my health at least right now...and friends. Hugs kath

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  3. Loved this post...thanks for being so transparent and for sharing your struggle. I love you friend and am encouraged and spurred on by your journey and your desire to practice trusting until it becomes natural. What a great journey you are on:)

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  4. Erin,
    I stumbled on to your blog this morning and read your recent post. Thank you for being so open and honest. I know, for myself, often I hold onto fear much more than I hold onto God and His promises. Seems it's a moment-by-moment process of recognizing the truth from the lies. Hope you have a wonderful day, resting in the Lord. :)

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  5. bravo to you braveheart
    for opening up to letting go
    and being honest with the fear
    and tender to the trust that is coming,
    oh yes it is!
    You have this FANTASTIC shepherd
    who is full of affection for you
    and more than glad to finish
    what He started in you
    (and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing!)
    love and peaceful grace to you in your
    art-making
    and life-living,
    Jen

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  6. Oh what a beautiful post that if we were honest, just about every one of us would agree with. I think being a mom also makes us able to juggle and figure out the big picture just like we are helping God with the logistics so He doesn't have to do that work. I have been trying to 'let go and let God' but it is not in my nature and must be repeated over and over...

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