Sunday, February 27, 2011

Behold, I am making all things new. Revelation 12:5

If you've read my blog for any time you know that
I've only in the last 3 years found this art gift.
And that's exactly what it is to me:
a pure gift.
grace.

And I know that gifts are meant to be used and given away,
but I'm kinda like a five year old at a birthday party.
I wanna cling to this gift that I brought,
that was meant to be given,
hold it tightly in my hands,
and not let it go.


But I'm learning to surrender. to lay it down. 
I'm learning that the gift does not belong to me.
The gift, in fact, has very little to do with me.  
It is to be used and given.
And the gift to me is that
I get to be a part of it.
a broken vessel.
a jar  of clay.

As I good friend (and by good friend I mean therapist) recently said to me:
Do you hear yourself? And why do you think this belongs to you?
This has very little to do with you.
Like your time. Like your money.
It's not yours. It doesn't belong to you.
You get to use it.
That's the blessing.

I keep reading and rereading different parts of this book.
And it's helping me get perspective.


So now, before I start anything in the studio I pray.
I had to write down my prayers.
They help me remember.
Because I forget.
Here they are:

Lord, please use me. Please use this gift.
Lord, let me be available to you.
I lay it down at your feet.
 Please use it for your glory.
Please lead me where you want me to go.
Please remind me that it belongs to you and you you alone.
And not me. Please use it. Use me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this gift. For this time. For this space.

My dear sweet friend Henri Nouwen,
always, always speaks right to my soul.
I love this prayer:

Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen.
— Henri J.M. Nouwen
(The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. My heart.
Thank you, Henri.


8 comments:

  1. Beautiful post. I bought this book as soon as you mentioned it a ways back! You've done a lot in 3 years...a lot of sharing, too!

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  2. I remember well you talking about this same thing when I met you...it's sometimes tough to get out of the way and remember this, but you're doing a really good job! I love Henri Nouwen, and I've been touched by what you have to say here...I need to put some plans into action. I plan on seeking out this book, for one. xo

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  3. great post and LOve the inspirational prayers, they so seem to hit home:O) Love the new work:O) Thanx for sharing and inspiring:O) Isabel

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  4. Hello there! Well I found your beautiful work on etsy and then needed to check out your blog. Of course you are writing about a book that I have had on my "TO READ" list for sometime. Anyway, so nice to meet you and look forward to getting to know you more. And BTW this is my third year living a more creative life too!

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  5. Three years....what a beautiful
    blossom on the flower planted just
    three years ago!!!
    Such alot of fruit!
    I absolutely adore the Holy Spirit:)
    -Jennifer

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  6. Erin, I LOVE this post. I just spoke of this exact subject today in church. I, too, only wish to be an instrument in God's hands with my art. Thank you for your post. It always seems that we are thinking along the same lines. You are always an answer to prayer.

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  7. open hands, open heart...yes Lord, yes Lord...

    Erin, I see not only your art blossoming, but your life.

    Grace and Peace

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  8. Hi Erin, I'm a new reader of your blog. I was immediately interested in your work because of the way it expresses your religious faith and incorporates God's Word. I am beginning to think about how my work can do the same, and I am finding a lot of inspiration here! I am interested in the book you mention in this post; thank you for the recommendation.

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