Does life imitate art or does art imitate life?

There comes a time in some painting (relationships)

when you just have to walk away.

leave it alone.

stop manipulating.

overworking

forcing.
fixing.

remind yourself again and again

that you've done the very best you can do.

that's all you can do.

it's time to move on.

to let go.
to surrender.

Um, sound familiar?

I told you it picked me.

I know you know what I mean.

I know you've been there.

And sometimes,

remarkably,

when you get

a little perspective,

a little space,

it comes to you
so easy
without force.

all of the pieces magically
fall together.

and sometimes.

it just doesn't.

ever.
come together.

and it's painful

and it's beyond your control.

and you still have to walk away and move on.

because that's how life is sometimes.

These are all bits and pieces
of paintings that I can't seem
to make work.
So I'm moving on.
Painting over them.
Making room for new things.

Behold, I am making all things new. Revelation 12:5

If you've read my blog for any time you know that

I've only in the last 3 years found this art gift.

And that's exactly what it is to me:

a pure gift.

grace.

And I know that gifts are meant to be used and given away,

but I'm kinda like a five year old at a birthday party.

I wanna cling to this gift that I brought,

that was meant to be given,

hold it tightly in my hands,

and not let it go.

But I'm learning to surrender. to lay it down. 

I'm learning that the gift does not belong to me.

The gift, in fact, has very little to do with me.  

It is to be used and given.

And the gift to me is that

I get to be a part of it.

a broken vessel.

a jar  of clay.

As I good friend (and by good friend I mean therapist) recently said to me:

Do you hear yourself? And why do you think this belongs to you?

This has very little to do with you.

Like your time. Like your money.

It's not yours. It doesn't belong to you.

You get to use it.

That's the blessing.

I keep reading and rereading different parts of this book.
And it's helping me get perspective.

So now, before I start anything in the studio I pray.

I had to write down my prayers.

They help me remember.

Because I forget.
Here they are:

Lord, please use me. Please use this gift.

Lord, let me be available to you.

I lay it down at your feet.

 Please use it for your glory.

Please lead me where you want me to go.

Please remind me that it belongs to you and you you alone.

And not me. Please use it. Use me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this gift. For this time. For this space.

My dear sweet friend Henri Nouwen,

always, always speaks right to my soul.

I love this prayer:

Dear God,

I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!

Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?

Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?

Please help me to gradually open my hands

and to discover that I am not what I own,

but what you want to give me.

And what you want to give me is love,

unconditional, everlasting love.

Amen.

— Henri J.M. Nouwen

(The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. My heart.

Thank you, Henri.



It's a boy!

And did I mention I'm working on

surrender?

Kristine

I'm 20 weeks along with our little peanut.
We actually found out a couple weeks ago.
So I'm readjusting my life in my brain...

Emie Grace Creations

Saying goodbye to...

tutus

rainbow tights

hair clips

nail painting

girl scouts

dance lessons 

shopping days

Rock River Tees

Saying hello to...

boy scouts

wrestling on the couch

baseball games

camping

bunkbeds

Allen Designs

I don't want to sound ungrateful.
I really am thankful to be pregnant

with a healthy baby.

that's a lot. I know.

it's just an adjustment

of my life in my brain.

surrender.

Art by Erin Leigh

And I have a peace about it now.

I'm excited for Jack to have a buddy.

He'll be such a good big brother.

I'm glad they'll have each other. 

joey's attic

I'm really relieved to keep my studio.

I was ready to move it into the garage.

and I am surprised by what a huge relief it is to keep it

and really make it the space where I want it to be.

Designed Threads

 I honestly trust and believe that
God gives us what we need.

And I'm so thankful for that.
That he knows what we need.
And he always provides.

"For my ways are not your ways,

neither are my thoughts your thoughts."

Sunnyside Designs 2

So we are saving up to buy bunkbeds

and quilts and sheets for the boys' room.

 "the boys" I like the sound of it.

Expectations & Surrender

My word for the year is surrender.

Honey Boo (I love this shop!)

And it's painful.

I didn't pick it.

It' picked me.

Danita

But I'm finding,

as a good friend pointed out,

that I'm having a tough time loving the life I have

because all of these expectations keep getting in the way.

thewheatfield

So even though I have really great stuff,

it's not the stuff in my head.

it's different.

David's Photography

and I'm finding that my biggest struggle

is letting go of the expectations

I've clung to for so long

so that I can

embrace

and love

and fully enjoy

reality.

corid

(Oh my. Check out this shop. Love her.)

not some made up version of life

that doesn't exist...

dhunting

and it's hitting me from all sides.

everywhere I turn I find it's a

letting go.
laying down.

surrender.

lovelysweetwilliam

and as painful as it is

there is freedom in it.

Barking Bird Art

35 Things

I finally finished my list for the year.

As you can see I chose the word surrender.

Not because I wanted to,

but because it keeps coming up

over and over.

In all areas of life.



Art. 

Work.

Parenting.

Marriage.

Everywhere.

So I thought I should listen.

I love making these lists.



I love new beginnings.

Even though life can get so busy and rushed.

I can go through the year without really doing what I want to do.

Without living how I want to live.

Just making this list

reminds me to live with intention.



It reminds me of who I am and how I want to live.

Even when life gets busy.



I know that I won't get every little thing crossed off.

That's not the point.

The point is to remember to have fun.

And to live the life I really want to live.

35 Things in 2011

1. Have a baby.

2. Download music I love.

3 Video Jack’s Johnny Cash routine.

4 Hike with my boys.

5 Make photo books for Jack.

6 Make art with fabric & paint & my sewing machine.

7.A weekend away with my husband.

8 Serve & give in some way.

9. Cut a stamp.

10. Sleep in a tent with Jack

11. Make art: cloth flowers on wood

12. Make an advent calendar

13. Make Christmas ornaments

14. Teach adults

15. Make a new studio

16. Make caramel apples.

17. Host a craft night with friends.

18. Go apple picking with Jack.

19. Participate in an artist swap.

20. Complete a 10k

21. Take a photoshop class

22. Watch a documentary on an artist.

23. Go on a retreat.

24. See a play.

25. Update blog/logo/button/banner, etc.

26. Memorize favorite verses

27. Go to the Rose Bowl Flea Market

28. Make a banner for the house.

29.. Give something to our neighbors.

30. Start/work on. Complete an Art Journal

31. Make art: heart series.

32. Get art into a gallery.

33. Make scrabble pendants.

34. Be a good friend.

35. Reread Life of the Beloved.