Tuesday, March 29

The Spring Break List

Do what you don't want to do,
so that you can do what you do want to do.
Erin Leigh
I tend to skip the stuff I don't want to do and jump right to the fun part.
Which leaves a lot of stuff left undone.
and dirty.

As my spring break approaches (next week)
I'm making my list and checking it twice.
***Beware: no fun included.***

These are in order of super gross,
(I'd prefer a sharp stick in the eye)
to not so bad,
(I don't really mind,
I just need to set aside time.)

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost

I need to remember this.
every day. 

Here's my list:
(I made it rainbow-colored so as to make it
 seem more fun than it really is.)

1. Taxes. Enough said.

2. Get the day bed out of my studio & sell it on Craig's List.
Move a table & the printer hutch into the studio.

3. Go to Fry's (Ugh. Hate this store.) 
Buy an affordable, high quality scanner.

4. Learn how to use my new scanner. (Cringe.)

5.  Scan in every print in my etsy shop
and replace with the current photos.

6. Buy a bunkbed.
Play with Jack while my
husband builds said bunk bed. 

7. Organize the boys room.
That's a whole post. Or a series of posts.
People with kids:
How in the world do you deal with all of this kid stuff?!?!
I'm stumped. And I only have one two year old.

8. Get out new born baby stuff (!)
Make a list of what we need.

9. Make my studio the creative haven of inspiration
 that I've always wanted.
10. Paint to my heart's content.
(I had to add something fun.
It's spring break, for cryin' out loud.)
I'm tempted to add
ridiculous things like
"Clean the baseboards"
"Wash the windows."
"Organize the kitchen cabinets."
But let's be real.
That stuff is not happening in real life.
I'll be lucky if I get half of my
list even attempted.

I will keep you posted...

* These photos are from a fun wander I had around
Cedros a couple of weeks ago..

Thursday, March 24

Becoming a Business Owner. Part 2: The Stories We Tell Ourselves


Don't let the title mislead you.
This isn't a how-to.
It's just my thought and feelings
 and fears and process.

I want to share with you this journey.
I also want to help you, anyone, who is doing the same thing.
And continue on this journey with you.

It's really weird.
I so hesitate to write about the business side of things
because the gremlins come out in full force.
I feel realy embarassed.
"Who do you think you are?!?"
You're no business owner.
You just like to paint.

But I am writing and publishing and putting this outthere
because I am convinced that we believe the stories
we tell ourselves over and over every single day.
Whether we are concious of them or not.
So I have to become aware of my thoughts
and grab and put them in the Lord's hands.
These are the verses that I keep coming back to:

If any of you lacks wisdom, ask.


not by might not by power, but by the spirit of God.


apart from me you can do nothing.


we take every thought captive

Dear Lord,
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Please help me and lead me a guide and
take me where you want me to go.
Please provide for us.

How about you...
Do you struggle to see yourself as something new?
anything new?
an artist?
a runner?
a photographer?
a business owner?
What is it for you?

Monday, March 21

The best way out is always through: Lessons from a Bear Hunt

We love this book.
Over and over and over again.
There's profound wisdom that lies hidden in it's pages.
Listen carefully:

Can't go over it.
Can't go under it.
We have to go through it.

The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost

I am an expert procrastinator.
Expert avoider of all things not-so-fun.
Show me something I don't want to do
and I'll show you 1,037 other things that must be done instead.
This was my mantra in college.
Mostly for writing papers.
I finally came to the conclusion (my senior year)
that the only way to finish a
was to start.
I know.

Can't go over it.
Can't go under it.
We have to go through it.

And I haven't been challenged
in the way that this artistic journey
challenges me since college.
Little mountains to climb, everywhere I turn:
taking decent photos of artwork
learning photoshop
learning blogger
learning etsy
mountains everywhere.

 And I have to climb each and every one in order
to do what I really want to do :
Stay home (part time) with my babies & paint.
And they are a gift
(these ugly mountains)
because every single time I come through
even the smallest of challenges
I'm so stinkin' proud of myself.
I did that. I can do the next thing.
yay me.
The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost
So what is your mountain today?
What do you need to get through to get where you want to go?

Wednesday, March 16

Queen Bee Market Spring 2011, A Little Bit of Luke

Thank you for such supportive comments on my last post.
Honestly, with this bloggy world of friends, I really feel like I'm not alone.
Like we're on our journeys together.
And it's the community that I need.
 I'm so thankful for your sweet selves.


I applied for this last month...

 and I found out today that I got in!
It is less than 2 months away.
If you are in the San Diego area I hope you'll stop by.
Now my head is spinning with ideas for my booth.
I've been working on a couple of different series for the etsy shop.
And this will help light a fire under me and get paintings finished.


Today was the best day. ever.
I am 25 weeks today.
I had a doctor's appointment this morning.
Everything is looking good, entering my 3rd trimester.
He is kicking like crazy & I am getting ridiculously big.
But feeling great.

After my appointment I had a little time to myself
 (what is that?)
so I went to one of my favorite spots
Cedros Design District in Solana Beach.
Beauty. Creativity. Inspiration. Everywhere.
I actually sat down and read and sketched and prayed.

(Alisa Burke style sketching. Loving it.)

Luke 5

I read this story.
About Peter and the fish
and they had dropped their nets a bunch of times
& caught nothing.
then Jesus said to drop them again.
and it didn't make any sense to them.
but they did it anyway.
"But because you say so..."
faith & obedience.
that's exactly where I'm at right now.

I can't see it.

I don't understand it.
I don't know what you're doing.
"But because you say so..."
I will do it.

I love that Jesus is always saying,
"Do not be afraid."
In just about every situation.
To pretty much everyone.
Over and over.
Not just me.
I'm in good company.

 I talked about fear in my last post.
Fear of  taking myself seriously as a business owner.
Fear of telling anyone else.
Fear of announcing it.
Fear of stepping out,
trusting that God will show me
where he wants me to go.
That he'll give me everything I need.

And they were astonished
at the catch of fish.

Sunday, March 13

Becoming a business owner? Part 1

Such a fun weekend with my baby
doing nothing at all.
And everything important.

Taking it easy.
Spending time together.
Reading lots of books.

Mowing the lawn.

Having lots of picnics.

Riding on lawn mowers
in Home Depot.
Does it get any better?

I can almost taste summer.
Working part time again.
Sipping coffee.
Staying in jammies.
Going out to breakfast with Papa.

Taking naps.
Playing with friends.
Being home.

I ache to be home.
With my babies.
I know it's where I need to be.
For a very long time.
Like, for the next 25 years, minimum.

And painting.
 I know I need to be painting.
so I've come to the realization
that I need ot start taking this fun
thing that I love so much,
this art thing,

Start taking myself a little
more seriously.
as an artist.
as a business owner.

weird to say. scary to think.
even more scary to act on and announce.
 but I know where I need to be.
It's here. At home,
making a home
for my little guys.

So it's not about me and my art any more.
It's not about my fears and my doubts
It's about my boys and my husband and my family.
It's about living the life I want to live.
Not really sure how it's all gonna work.
But I know I have to try.

Saturday, March 12

Blog Sugar 2011

I am going to this.

I'm excited to meet real live bloggy people. in person.
Without getting on a plane.
Or spending a million dollars.
If you're in the area, or even if you're not,
I think you should come too.
I am most excited  to hear from the speakers.

It's not until September,
which feels like forever away.
It's weird to think that I'll have a
3 month old baby by the time I go.
I'll have another birth story.
Another life.

I'm kind of nervous,
about not knowing anyone else.
That anxious first day of school feeling.
But it seems like the kind of group who
 will be kind. and inclusive. and not mean.

Anyway, please let me know if you're going
so maybe I'll know someone there.

Wednesday, March 9

Something magical happens this time of year

in a kindergarten classroom.

The kids start getting it.
Like, really getting it.

Light bulbs start going off everywhere. 
They are eager and finally ready to learn.
All of the practice and training and investment
 from August through December
starts to pay off.
And the dividends are huge.

My babies that used to crawl under the table for half the day
are writing letters and words and
putting little thoughts on paper.
And thrilled about what they can do.

They are writing.
They are reading.
They growing up.
No longer babies.
Getting ready for the big kid playground.

And every single year,
right about now,
without fail,
I am amazed by them.

I love how each is similar, but not the same.
These Dr. Seuss portraits were directed drawings.
I draw each part on the white board,
and the class draws theirs.
Kids (and I) are often astounded by
 what they can create when they're given
direct instruction in art. 

I have been buried
under report cards & conferences
for the last couple weeks.
But I'm coming out from under the pile...

Tuesday, March 8

Does life imitate art or does art imitate life?

There comes a time in some painting (relationships)
when you just have to walk away.
leave it alone.
stop manipulating.
remind yourself again and again
that you've done the very best you can do.
that's all you can do.
it's time to move on.
to let go.
to surrender.

Um, sound familiar?
I told you it picked me.

I know you know what I mean.
I know you've been there.

And sometimes,
when you get
a little perspective,
a little space,
it comes to you
so easy
without force.
all of the pieces magically
fall together.

and sometimes.
it just doesn't.
come together.
and it's painful
and it's beyond your control.
and you still have to walk away and move on.
because that's how life is sometimes.

These are all bits and pieces
of paintings that I can't seem
to make work.
So I'm moving on.
Painting over them.
Making room for new things.