Expectations & Surrender

My word for the year is surrender.

Honey Boo (I love this shop!)

And it's painful.

I didn't pick it.

It' picked me.

Danita

But I'm finding,

as a good friend pointed out,

that I'm having a tough time loving the life I have

because all of these expectations keep getting in the way.

thewheatfield

So even though I have really great stuff,

it's not the stuff in my head.

it's different.

David's Photography

and I'm finding that my biggest struggle

is letting go of the expectations

I've clung to for so long

so that I can

embrace

and love

and fully enjoy

reality.

corid

(Oh my. Check out this shop. Love her.)

not some made up version of life

that doesn't exist...

dhunting

and it's hitting me from all sides.

everywhere I turn I find it's a

letting go.
laying down.

surrender.

lovelysweetwilliam

and as painful as it is

there is freedom in it.

Barking Bird Art

Scared Straight

We finally did it.

 We took real, professional family pictures

with our friend, Jason Ward, earlier this week.

 I love these of Jack.

 He pulled through for us.

Smiled, laughed and performed.

And I am scared straight.

There's nothing like a good photo shoot

to give you a good dose of reality

and a swift kick in the booty.

Yikes.

No more excuses.

No more...

 reasons why I can't.

 I'll start tomorrow.

I'm too busy.

I'm too tired.

I don't feel like it.

and the list goes on...

Back to saying no.

Back to counting calories.

Back to actually using the

gym membership I pay for.

Back to drinking water.

Permission to Dream Big. Part 1

I feel like dreaming big
and sharing those big dreams with you.
There's some, no there's a bunch, of fear,
but I'm just going to
because I think it's important
for all us.

I am hesitant to dream out loud
And I'm trying to figure out why.
I think I associate dreaming big
with discontentment.
Greed.
As if what I have is not enough.
As if I want more, more, more.

But that's not it. at all.
Dreaming big dreams is not the opposite of contentment.
Unthankfulness is the opposite of contentment.
Contentment is rooted in gratitude. and peace.

And stuffing the dreams that God has planted in my heart,
Not using the gifts that he has given me
to fulfill those dreams,
is not humility.
It's fear and unfaithfulness.

I really believe that if I
lay my dreams down before the Lord
and commit them to him,
they may not happen the way I expect,
but his plans for me will always be better
than the ones I have for myself.
(even when I don't get it)

It's okay to dream big.
This is my bigger picture moment.

Shelley has been a huge inspiration
to me to not be afraid
to dream big
and to share those dreams
with you.

Kelly Rae always has great things to say about this.
Especially this post on abundance.

I'm starting to freak out.

it happens every year at this time.
but things are about to change.
drastically.
and i just need to be honest about it
for a little bit.

you see, i've worked part time
teaching kindergarten
ever since my son was born
two years ago.

going back to work
full time
5 days a week.
missing my baby
missing my art
feeling rushed
+ frazzled.
jumping into
the rat race.

don't get me wrong.
i love my job.
i was made for my job.
it makes me so happy.

but i'm anxious about the balance.
i'm anxious about the crazy scedules.
i'm anxious about being able to do it all.

i don't feel ready to say goodbye to my baby boy.
and i don't feel ready to say good bye to art.

i know it will all be okay.
i just feel anxious about it.
i need to take it
one day
at a time.

these verses have
always helped me do that.
find joy
and peace
each day.